Haven't written here in a while.. Some days I don't feel I can put into words how I actually feel. The past two days I've felt very in tune... not to only myself but whats going on all around me. There are so many changes happening in my life ...and this weekend I finally took the time to just BE. I was able to find quiet moments of peace. In these quiet moments I am able to recognize and know what I get to be doing. There are so many distractions in my life right now that sometimes I forget to focus on ME.. and by that I get to be still and listen.
In these moments I've felt to look places and have found treasures from Boyd.. reminding me that I am doing a great job and that I am loved. His love continues to bless me even though he's not in this dimension. Reminding me what my purpose in this life is. I've been saying my creation statement quite a bit this past week... I AM a Beautiful, Compassionate, Loving, Courageous woman of Light. As a Beautiful, Compassionate, Loving, Courageous woman of Light my purpose is to bring peace, love, joy and Healing to others as I create a world of acceptance, integrity, and inspiration. Saying it has assisted me in coming back to that quiet, safe space of purpose.
This reminds me what I am committed to creating in my life and to those around me,
School has been really difficult this semester. It's been a challenge to fit all the work and studying in and to stay focused with everything else going on.. but then I remember why I wanted to become a nurse.. to serve, love, and assist in the healing of others, It is my calling in life. I have such a strong passion to be able to help others on that level that I get to refocus and somehow be strong and give it my excellence. I get to show my girls what being a strong,loving, compassionate, courageous woman looks like. One who is successful despite the obstacles in life.. cause we all know we're going to have them. I am so blessed with 3 beautiful daughters who bring me such pure joy. The innocence and pure genuineness inspires me. I know I learn more from them than they probably do me. They are 3 powerful little girls who are so spiritually in tune. I love when I get to bring out the inner child in myself and feel that pure child like joy with them, I want to teach them to love themselves.. and how ot truly love others.
I've also thought alot about living in the moment this week and in complete vulnerability.. There are many times when I want to close my heart up for anyone else to get in.. to care.. to love... to feel.. To seal it in fear that it will get broken again.. I was married to a man for almost 12 years whom decided he wanted a divorce. Although I now see it as one of the greatest blessings I could have had...and have become who I am truly meant to be.. it still has left me in fear at times in what will happen in the future. So much loss has been in my life these past 2 years.. but at the same time.. so much love. I now know that by him letting me go I was given the freedom to be ME.. and to be WHO I am.. and the learning from it all has been simply remarkable. I am grateful for him in letting me go.. So I could be me in my excellence.
Then to find someone whom was my soulmate. the love of my life. the one who loved me simply for me. Who was right there beside me through all the trials, the joy, and the journey. To have someone love me unconditionally and feeling that heart to heart, spirit to spirit connection only to be taken away so suddenly has been heartbreaking to say the least. Although from this experience.. and learning so much about myself and finding strength in places I never knew I had, living life, and loving unconditionally through it all.. at times it hurts like hell. To be able to dig deep and knowing who I am.. and finding that pure joy has been such a blessing. I have found this experience to be incredible growing opportunity. I have found a part of me that I never knew existed and I feel so blessed to have this outlook through this tragedy. I have felt angels all around me like I have never felt before. I know Boyd is right here with me.. Telling me to Go For It!! To LIVE and to LOVE! So... although I've had so much heartache..with these things and other difficult circumstances in the past 2 years, I know that it has all been for my perfect journey. and I am grateful I have been open to experiencing it all in my own unique way... Life is so beautiful. I look at it in such a different way than I ever have.I live in the moment . for I know now more than ever that each moment is a gift. I know that its okay to have alot of feelings and emotions.. and I get to embrace them all.. The despair, the loneliness, the heartache, the pure joy, the love, the saddness, the pain, the beauty, the darkness, the strength, the inspiration, the grace, the pure and beautiful LIGHT! And.. every single one of these emotions is TRULY so beautiful.. During this part of my journey I get to remain open and vulnerable..I get to receive love and to give love. My life and my love gets to continue on.... I am so incredibly grateful for each moment I am here on this Earth to show love without hesitation.. To live life to the fullest, to stop living in fear.. and follow my heart. Love is a beautiful thing.. the thing that brings us all together. and as Boyd would say to "Just Love". I get to carry that legacy on for him and make him proud.
