3 months today.. this rollercoaster called life..

I can't believe it's already been three months since Boyd has been gone. There are time when it feels like it was just yesterday I was in Cleveland.. Then other times it feels like years. The anniversaries are always tough.. Today I reflected on our short time together and had a rollercoaster of emotions.. from sad to happy... to being mad as hell.. to being grateful beyond measure. I found myself moping around the house.. thinking about how I was cheated out of a life of love and happiness. Everywhere I went today I saw couples holding hands smiling and laughing.. at times i wanted to cry.. others i wanted to yell and then other times I felt myself smiling at them .. grateful and truly happy that they were getting that experience.  I couldn't get out of my funk almost all day. After my mom came and got the girls I decided to go for a run at the track.  I put my head phones in and started running... running out all the emotions from the day. As I was reflecting on life I looked up and saw a cloud in the shape of a heart.. and then over the the right... thebeautiful sunset. The bright orange color was vibrant and magnificent. I thanked God for the beauty he gave and remembered how beautiful life is. How blessed I am to be alive.. and to be feeling all these feelings. The sad, mad, and hurt..and the joy, happiness, and peace. That life does go on.. and it will.. and it absolutely is.These feelings are all a part of the human experience.. and it is a beautiful one.  Today I was reading in a friends (Jeffery Olsen) book and he talks about a potter who would make these beautiful creations... only to when he was finished smash them on the ground into pieces, He would then meticulously reassemble the pieces back together and then fill the cracks with contrasting colors. People asked him why he did this and he explained that the process made each  pot unique.. it made them interesting and gave them character... How similar our life is. Maybe when we are shattered and then reassembled do we step into our magnificence. And into a beautiful masterpiece of God.. just like those pots. I have had so many trying experiences that have helped me to grow.. This experience has made me grow in ways I never knew I could. I am stronger.. more confident.. and love myself more than I ever have.  I know that Boyd would be proud of what I am creating and who I am becoming. There are times when I feel like I am going to break.. and sometimes when I finally have had enough and find myself on the kitchen floor completely heartbroken and tears flowing...but it is all completely beautiful.. Because you see.. to feel this much pain.. means I felt even that much more love. I would never give up the love I felt in the time me and Boyd were together. I now know what I deserve and that is a gift. If I stop and truly look at life.. I remember how blessed I am to have another day here. Another day to feel..

 I am blessed by amazing daughters.. wonderful parents and grandparents. and beautiful friends. Friends I've know forever and friends that have come into my life since Boyd passed.. they are all truly earth angels. I believe people come into our lives in the perfect moment. I am so grateful that a God and angels love me enough to put these people in my life at this perfect time,  Thank you to all of those who have been there for me and are still there for me. Who carry me during the times I feel I can't go on.  You never know by just being a friend .. and showing you care.. how much you could be blessing someones life. I am truly grateful. I know that gratitude is the key to happiness. As long as I remain grateful and continue with love.. everything will be okay. 

Boyd taught me so much about life. To live it to the fullest.. to love... to stop sweating the small stuff.. and to laugh.  All we have is the moment. Its our choice how we are going to live it.. I choose to have joy in this journey. To feel and embrace every rollercoaster of emotion. Without the sad we wouldn't know the joy. Love to you all. I am truly blessed for each of you in my life. Thank you.