I am not alone...

I have to get this down so I remember..  Today was emotional. I was able to talk to Boyd's brother for a while which is always nice. and brings Boyd closer. Then after I picked the kids up from school and saw Maggi and Porter in their moms car driving home. We miss them so much.It makes me so sad sometimes.. we didn't just lose Boyd. We lost our family.

 I worked on homework and studied for some up coming tests then made dinner. Throughout the day I felt myself getting more and more sad. Missing Boyd more and more. By the time I was supposed to take the girls to my moms I was really down. It hits really hard at random moments and hurts so much. I was thinking about everything I am having to take care of right  now. So many things that only I can do.  I feel like I am 5 people in one body. I know I will keep going.. and that I watched over. Just when I feel like all is lost I get reminders. Tonight on the way to my moms I heard our wedding song.. I cried the whole way there.  I sat and talked to my mom for about an hour and then left to go home. It was raining and I had the feeling to go to the track and run for a bit. On my way there our wedding song came on again.  Then as I was driving I looked up and noticed a sign that said FOREVER. That was something me and Boyd always said to one another. Forever.. Love you Forever. I know he was with me tonight. Helping me and saying you can keep going. After my run I was driving home and got a message from a friend of a little down syndrome girl singing our song. I just sat  and watched this amazing little girl fight against odds to sing this song.. our song. I know there are no accidents and that Boyd was with me tonight. As much as it hurts that he is gone and wish so much he was still here with us.. I'm grateful that I have an angel watching over me and when I forget and feel like he's not there and when I feel completely alone.. I get these reminders that he is. I know its important for me to write these moments down so I can remember on those days I feel like I can't go on.  Thank you for letting me share these moments and feelings with you. Lots of love.